i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
