If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
