When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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