Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
