Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
