in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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