there's paper in my vomit.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
