got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
