Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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