Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
