i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
