Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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