I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
