Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
