I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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