did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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