the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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