bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
