When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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