I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
