A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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