Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
