Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
