so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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