No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
