I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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