So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
