yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
