Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
