Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
