big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
