Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
