I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
