i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
