Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
