I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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