I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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