I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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