Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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