i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
