at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
