He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
