He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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