i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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