I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
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i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize