I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
