Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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