I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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