Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
