yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
