Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
