Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
