I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
