I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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