did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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