peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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