I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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