You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I would fuck him just for his dog
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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