Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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