Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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