He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
