summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
