So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
