Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Never joke about your clitoris.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
