I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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