his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
